Loner

Strange title to begin with it. Alone, Me ? Yes, most likely.

I will not brood over it. Nor bore you with unnecessary details. This is a post to rationally sort out the things that made me unsocial and as a result, lonely.

Here they are. One point at a time.

--> One of my classmates told me (Wait. One or many?) that I have a peculiar habit of using points in most of my writing. Well, sorry if it bothers any of you, but I can't help it. Points help me in thinking clearly. Well then, let's get to the point.

• Looking back, it all started in Class 10. Nearing its end. My parents indirectly made me realize that I can't be irresponsible anymore. I had to get a decent job. They informed me of a simple path :- study. Get good marks in boards, go to a decent HS school, get a decent college education and finally get a job.
  So, I became ambitious. If I had been sorted at that time, I swore I would've went to Slytherin.
  I started making powerful( intelligent ?) friends. Friends who I can rely because of their extreme problem solving skills. I valued those who had intelligence. I considered that only nerds deserved any kind of attention from me.
  Naturally, I lost my friend-base, either because I found more intelligent "friends" or my friends found someone better.
• Science. No matter how much I hate to write it, one of the things that acted as a transition function to my present state was science. I took one of its principle quite seriously :- Be curious. Question Everything. So, I avoided friendships thinking that that evolution(early humans needed friends to survive) was making me need friends. Same goes for my approach towards girls. I couldn't make out whether I was liking her because of what she is or because of my hormones kicking in (I may regret writing this line later in life, but for now, I am letting it stay).
  And, I questioned myself about myself. Who am I? What exactly universe is? Questions like that tend to make people more secluded. More thoughtful. Aloof. Far less friendly.
• Comparing myself with others. For years, that was my working logic. Compare yourself with the next best one. Impoverise. Grow.
  I never realized that this was what making me grow cold. Always looking for what I don't have. Who had time for making friends ? I had to defeat the next one who stood in my way.
• And, finally humans piss me off. I couldn't stop why the human civilization is as it is. Same things happening over and over again:- be born, get education, work for the economy, get married, raise children to take your place when you die and repeat.
  And, why the hell, there is so much wrong in this world. People killing people. People raping people. People conning people.
  So, I developed the notion that people are flawed. I am flawed. Why do I make friends with another flawed specimen of my own kind ?

That's everything I can get to my mind right now. So, the list of reasons I became a loner may tend to grow in future. Thanks for reading (I can give you a hug if you want).

But, I have to go now. I have a question that is bothering me for years :-

"How do I make myself the master of the universe?"  **evil laugh**