How to spend years in college

Note: I have compiled this after my experience with pure/applied scientific and engineering streams. This may be generalized to other fields of study as applicable.

Two years since graduation, I have known some crucial thing about engineering and science streams. Further as I have been mediocre all my four years of engineering, these are the things that a student should keep in mind. (I never did these things and so things have bitten me hard.)

1. Even if you’re in first year, take a notebook and write down your goals. Don’t be vague like “I want a great placement”, “I want a great GPA”, “I want to do minimal work to survive” or “I want to write bad research papers for getting into universities abroad”. Four years of your life is no joke. As science and technology is a highly competitive(and brutal) field, such vague statements will take you into misery. If you don’t know why you have chosen the stream you’re in, think harder. If you don’t know what potential paths are there, ask your professors and seniors. Seriousness and sincerity are your friends.
2. Treat excellence as a superset of your ideals. You’re not here to survive. Over centuries, science has seen brilliant minds working over great problems. Engineers have built bridges, computers and aeroplanes. These guys achieved something because they worked hard and persevered. Treat your field of study with respect. Don’t sleep during lectures or forget notes till exam deadlines. If something is not clear, explore the internet and find lectures. If something is too interesting, take a book and read it completely. Treat your lab work as something worthwhile. Don’t degrade your study to achievement of numbers and awards.
3. Make a routine. Include 45-60 mins of physical exercise. Fix the time you wake up and sleep. Fix the number of hours you will study everyday. Keep Sunday as a potential break day. As you take the break, think whether what you did this week made you deserve it. With introspection, add improvements to your routine. If you neglect your health and well-being, forget about being a professional over long courses of time.
4. Don’t waste time in comparing yourself with others or resenting with jealousy over achievements of others. Of course, you have brilliant peers. Brilliant people achieve a lot of things over time. But everyone is walking on their paths. Make sure that you stay true to your own(refer point #1). Sometimes other people do show what you’re lacking. Accept it with gratitude. Don't go into vanity - real worth requires no banners.
5. Mental toughness and self-control go hand in hand. Point (3) is for especially for that. Don’t waste time in watching series and movies around the loop. TV has reached a place where there’s no dearth of content. There are superb films made every year. The attraction is immense, but point (2) is not achievable without some sacrifice. Keep series and films to your “break day”. If you’re a person into books, again move fictions and fantasies to your “break day”.
6. The more you study, the more self-aware you become. There will be some psychological problems because of that. Being a member of human civilisation, you have the benefit to solve such problems. Explore the internet with sincerity and you will find resources. Accept those which match your current value system and makes you feel “strong”. Update your value systems as you move ahead. Try to become a decent member of the human pack. You're biologically an adult. It is now the time to become one mentally.

Though these are not exhaustive, these are important for a decent graduation. You will feel good about yourself with that degree in your hand. If you’re a college student reading this, I wish you all the best.

Please feel free to add feedback. I will be happy to extend this list for the benefit of posterity.

Thoughts on Narcissism

Becoming a morally and emotionally well-rounded person should remain one of the goals of adulthood. Otherwise a subset of the results become broken marriages or worse, broken children. The children who are broken grow up to have an unnecessarily miserable life(though such people can heal after a considerable effort).

Narcissism is such a disorder. (There might be genetic endowment.) Psychological research hints at largely environmental factors. Or in other words, the quality of upbringing a child gets in his most sensitive years(age four to age seventeen).

In context of narcissism, the lack of proper nurture doesn’t lie in material comforts but largely in emotional needs. That makes it more subtle. A father brags incessantly about his superior abilities and how his child is an insult to the family name. Or the father might insult his child whenever possible - as if out of spite and frustration. Or even worse, there is a painful punishment reserved for even small wrongdoings. Even the mother can be responsible in some cases - she is far more busy in vanities than focusing on her children.

In an environment of neglect, physical & emotional abuse - the child develops a coping mechanism. He develops an outer image of flawlessness. If he is not flawed, his father won’t remain so angry with him. If he doesn’t seek attention, his father won’t degrade his self-image. If he is admired by everyone, his father would admire him too. But inside, there is a cynical view towards the world. Never trust anyone - if one’s own father can hurt so much - what things can a stranger do? As a result of inherent sensitivity and emotional immaturity, the world does hurt him. The disorder is now in full swing.

Leaving aside the toxic spectrum of narcissists, there are adults who are truly miserable. They have no friends because of trust issues. They have no particular connection with family members. They never initiate relationships or leave at the first chance of something going wrong. They are constantly criticising themselves and their true flaws. They are hollow and bitter from inside.

All because their parents were not properly-made human beings. These parents never became good adults because of their laziness or their own bad childhood. Ad infinitum.

Who is at fault here? The Devil with his charms. A single pact with immorality has the potential to ruin so many lives. Even the lives of one’s own children.

Pierre Bezuhov - War & Peace

In War & Peace, Tolstoy carves an interesting personality of Pierre Bezuhov. A short summary goes here. This is a work in progress.

Summary till 1/4th of the story(as of 28th July 2018):

Pierre is the bastard son of the wealthy Count Bezuhov. He is highly educated and indulges in books and abstract theories of politics and battles. He is good hearted and stays out of conflicts. Ironically as happens in people of good nature, he is of weak character and gets into a bout of drinking and gambling if provided a chance. Until his father’s death, no one paid attention to him. Even if they did, it was for mocking him.

After his father’s death, he became the sole heir of the immense wealth. Overnight, everyone’s attitude changed. As a result of his naivety and shrewdness of people surrounding him, he eventually becomes the husband of Ellen. She is a beauty, Moscow talks about. As one can expect, Pierre’s house becomes the center for attraction - especially for men. Ellen does not oppose inappropriate advances of men in front of her husband. She further insults him as a fool who has no trace of social skills. There is a dangerous rumour floating - Fyodor Dolohov has become her lover. Pushed by all the circumstances, Pierre ultimately injures Dolohov in a pistol duel.

Little by little, Pierre’s weakness of character is negated. He has never hurt a person nor used a pistol before the duel. With horror, he realizes that he despises his wife. He recognizes the falsehood of their marriage and the futility of the duel, he fought for a wife who doesn’t deserve it. Ellen on knowing about the duel, starts her train of insults. This time - Pierre loses his temper, picks up a marble slab with his immense strength and tries to hit her before stopping midway. He is still good at heart. A week later Pierre gives all revenue from his Russian estates to his wife, before leaving for Petersburg.

(There is a confusion, whether Pierre filed for a divorce. I guess not, as divorce was not socially acceptable at that time.) After all, Pierre is a good man and won't ruin his wife's reputation even after giving her enough money to last a lifetime.

Summary till 1/2nd of the story(as of 29th September, 2018):

With the help of Fyodor Dolohov, Anatole(brother-in-law of Pierre) makes an amusing plan to elope with Natasha Rostov. Natasha was the betrothed of Pierre's close friend, Andrei Bolkonsky. When Pierre comes to know about the baseness of Anatole, his attitude towards both Natasha and his wife, Ellen takes a negative turn. Natasha did a feminine folly of believing such a stupid fellow as Anatole. Ellen, who was full of vice tried to destroy Natasha by throwing her married brother to fool around with her.

Natasha's current guardian, Marya Dmitryevna asks Pierre to make Anatole leave Moscow. Natasha's reputation will be ruined and there will be further complications when Andrei Bolkonsky arrives.

Pierre's rage is already building up. He searches for Anatole in the club houses of Moscow. He finds the fellow in his own house. His wife, Ellen as usual is entertaining guests. Without greeting his wife, he tells Anatole to follow him into a room. As soon as the door is locked, Pierre grabs Anatole by the collar and demands an explanation for his treachery. When he tears a button from Anatole's uniform, Pierre lets go off his temper. In his stupidity, Anatole demands good behavior from Pierre as he is honourable(!). In his good nature, Pierre accepts the demand and gives money to Anatole for leaving Moscow. (Anatole goes to Petersburg).

Pierre's transformation is still pending. Though little-by-little, he is waking from a dream with more spine than before. Since he had known Natasha from when she was a child, he tried to comfort her with new found tenderness in his heart. His heart is climbing over this vileness and foolishness of Earth. When he sees the comet of 1812, among a field of stars - a new religious feeling grabs him.

To be continued....

Review - Eternity and a Day

Eternity and a Day is a film by Theo Angelopoulos. It won the Palme d'Or in Cannes 1998. Angelopoulos is known for making complex films touching upon history and shared culture of the Balkan region.

The description read that the Greek movie was about a poet and a kidnapped boy from Albania. Before that, I had not known that Albania and Greece share a border. I also didn't know about Ottomans, Communists and refugees in context of Albanian-Greek historical relations. So, my expectations were that the film would be in line with a father-son story. It was greatly naive on my part.

The subtleness of the story being told was evident from the beginning. We see the poet remembering his childhood and his fascination with sea. The sea goes on and on - following it takes one to the remote parts of the world. He also lives in an apartment block facing the sea. The music track he plays is reciprocated by another neighbour who lives in an identical apartment across the street. Who is this neighbour? What is his motive in playing the same track? The poet makes the conscious decision of not meeting the mysterious neighbour as he prefers to fill his ignorance with imagination.

We now see the failing health of the poet. His plan is to get admitted to a nursing home in two days. He has already relieved the house's caretaker(Ourania) of her duties. His illness is making him weak and lose control of his body. He is also dejected as he is not able to finish his projects. Better to take refuge in a hospital rather than suffer. He laments about his suffering to his now deceased wife, Anna. He misses her and life seems bleak without love, inspiration and good health.

Before he gets admitted, he must leave his dog in someone's care. He tries to find if his daughter(who lives with her partner) can take the responsibility. Within few moments of meeting her, she says that her partner doesn't want animals in his house. As he gives Anna's letter to their daughter, he again falls into the depths of his memory. He recollects the beach house, his wife, his mother, family and the newborn daughter. After he wakes up from his thoughts, he finds out that his daughter and her partner has sold the beach house and a bulldozer is scheduled to demolish it tomorrow. He finally realises that his daughter is no more his daughter. Her character, priorities and thoughts are entirely different from what he expected. He leaves her house taking the dog with him.

While on road, he witnesses some young boys cleaning the windshields of cars. The police lie in a hideout and chase them. The poet saves one boy by giving him lift in his car. If caught, the police would have forcibly deported the boy. For some reason, the poet didn't want it to happen. After this first introduction to the boy, the poet drops him at a street corner and the boy joins his gang again.

Few hours later, from a medicine shop - the poet notices the boy getting kidnapped. Again, a sense of mission kicks in and he follows the kidnappers' vehicle. He reaches a run-down building. There is evidently an illegal orphanage racket going on. The kidnappers sell the children to wealthy clients. The poet joins the clients and finds the boy. He rescues the boy by emptying his wallets before the goons.

The poet's sense of mission is fully concrete now - he must send the boy to his own home. The boy informs him that his grandmother is in an Albanian village on the other side of the border. While walking to the bus that goes on to the border, the boy starts singing a hymn. The poet was not able to complete his earlier projects as the words have left him. Now, he is blown away on hearing a new word("my little flower") from the boy's mouth. Eventually, the poet decided to take the boy to the border himself.

"Hey! Here's some food"

The poet and the boy reach the border. Again, the boy starts talking. The subject is about how his friend Salim and he crossed a mine-littered passage before coming to Greece. The boy showed how Salim threw a stone into the minefield, reached it and threw it farther before eventually crossing the entire length. The border is visually different. There are armed guards on towers who are hidden in a fog. There are people climbing at different positions on the fence. On seeing the poet and the boy, the checkpost opens and a military officer marches forward. The boy quickly confesses that he has lied about his grandmother - there's no one left in his village after the armed gangs plundered it. The poet and the boy run back to their car and beat a hasty retreat.

They stop at a food trolley. The boy orders a sandwich and offers it in the same way, the poet did earlier. When the poet refused, the boy asks him whether he even eats. The circle is complete - the boy has made a bond with the poet. The poet then starts the story he has promised earlier to the boy. The story is about Dionysios Solomos and how he bought words for money. (I didn't grasp the fable when I saw it.) The poet was trying to finish Solomos' poem as his last literary work before deciding for the nursery home.

As break from the original story, the poet hands over his dog to his former caretaker Ourania. Her son is getting married. We have a beautiful portrayal of a Greek tradition of marriage. The musicians play their instruments(prominently an accordion) and follow a bride to the church. As she reaches the groom, the onlookers grow excited. Then, the groom begins a tapping sort of dance. The bride follows suit. They dance together and reach a bigger area, where the feast is planned. The poet interrupts the proceedings and hands over the dog.

"Goodbye, my loyal friend"

In the next development, the poet finds that the boy has lost his friend Salim. Salim has been ran over by a bus. To reclaim Salim's belongings, they go to the undertaker. The boy checks the dead body of his friend(*footnote in the end) and then runs away with his friend's jacket and boots. Along with the rest of the children gang, he starts singing a hymn for his beloved friend("Hey Salim! Where are you going? To Naples, Versailles? Hey Salim! Why don't you talk to us?"). Finally, the boy sets fire to the jacket and the boots as a sign of cremation.

The poet leaves the boy and visits his mother at an old-age home. She is ill and her mental faculties have degraded. He laments before his mother that when he had time and youth, he didn't spend them with his family. He was always lost in thoughts, hungered for knowledge and the world outside. Now with all his familial relations vanishing, he realises how important they were for him.

As he stands outside, the boy again meets the poet. He is scared of the boat he is taking tonight. The (unknown) destination and what lies in store in the journey scares him. The poet replies that he is scared too - he is submitting himself to the care of a hospital. The two end up in a warm embrace and decide to take a bus across the city. On the bus, they witness different people. One is a tired protester with a red flag, another is a couple who is in midst of an argument, the poet Solomos and a trio of classical musicians.

The music and the audience

The time of departure arrives. The boy has to board a ship for his destination. Before going he speaks another word("very late at night"). The duo have a teary farewell. Such an experience rejuvenates the poet. He returns to his old home(for which the bulldozer is scheduled tomorrow). The imagery returns to his old days. His wife calls him to dance. He walks the ramp and begins to dance. He tells her that he is not going to the hospital tomorrow. She says that tomorrow lasts "an eternity and a day" and lefts.

The movie then ends with the same music as was used at various points in the story. The film weaves a story in memory, present conflicts and the lives of two distinct individuals. The film has many layers and the narration seems to imply that "new forms of expressions" is desired in art.

The poetic quotient in the film was truly a joy to experience. Every single scene was meaningful as they were serious sketches of life. It made my night memorable and thoughtful. I recommended it highly for the treatment of story elements.

Note: I caught the movie through a screening at Suchitra Film Society, Bangalore on 6th July, 1830hrs.

[*]Theo Angelopoulos' father was taken hostage when he was a child. He searched for his father among dead bodies. That had a lasting effect on him.

Review - The Brothers Karamazov

The Brothers Karamazov is a novel by Fyodor Dostoevsky. Dostoevsky died within four months after its publication making it his last work.

When one follows his university education judiciously, he is bound to lose his God and religion eventually. By God, I don't exclusively refer to Abrahamic conception. The God can be from any religion whatsoever. Large sets of religious frameworks end up as falsehoods in face of science.

The story of Karamazov brothers - Dmitri, Ivan and Alexey - touches upon nihilism, religion, morality, ethics and way of life. Dostoevsky can be considered as an existentialist who sketches the fearsome effects of philosophy on one's mind. On the other extreme end, those who are mindless live wickedly and are a nuisance to the society.

The story revolves around Fyodor Karamazov - vicious, unethical, hedonistic father of the three brothers. He is murdered and the narrator explains the events that unfolded to and beyond that fatal day. The eldest son, Dmitri is in suspicion making it particularly tense on the part of the readers. The middle son, Ivan is an educated man who is coming face to face with this philosophies. The youngest son, Alexey is a noble, pious and believer in God.

The brilliance of Dostoevsky gets revealed in the character sketches and monologues spoken by the same characters. Life is absurd with even more absurd humans. But it is not an excuse to forsake goodness and morality in life. Kindness, sympathy, understanding and compassion are essential for humans to coexist in a society.

Also, Dostoevsky stresses upon the limitations of theories. Psychological theories may involve romance and freedom on the creator which in turn, might not be true for dynamic individuals. Nor all religious convictions should be thrown aside as they contain great truths for leading a life, here on Earth. Some paragraphs are extraordinary in the way, the author brings out the folly of theories.

Lastly, Dostoevsky seems to have smelled something rancid in the Russian society of his time. He speaks of a troika which is galloping wildly without any rational goal in its mind. He also hints at socialism and its growing popularity among the "intellectuals" of his society. Finally, he tries to include everything he saw in Russia through the brothers of the Karamazov family.

The novel is indeed a masterpiece. Such complexities of human thought are seldom seen on pages. One can only assume the mental state of the author which made him capable of creating such a work.

Short triumph

Back in schooldays, there were no proofs for divisibility tests of 3 and 9. I remember finding them utterly pointless because one needed to find the sum of digits of huge numbers. And, who likes arithmetic? At the same time it was mysterious. Today, after a year of study on and off - I finally understood a proof of the same using natural ring homomorphism. As it required a big breadth to cover and lots of loneliness, I feel like recording it.

That’s why we study. Not for short-term gratification but for gaining insight into things which were hidden once. The days and nights are hard - and the end fruit tastes even sweeter.

Review: The Life of James Clerk Maxwell

This is a review of the biographical account of James Clerk Maxwell by his long time friend, Lewis Campbell.

Very few men achieve the range of things that Maxwell did in his short life. He died at merely forty eight years of age, from the same cancer that took his mother(at exactly the same age).

The book is pretty disordered(unedited?) from today's standards. Many letters(to and from Maxwell) are interspersed with the text that narrates his life. It made a very poor reading experience, as you lost the train of thought to examine the contents of the letter. Maybe the author tried to preserve the memory of Maxwell in pristine form. Perhaps, he thought the letters would give a true window of the inner workings of Maxwell's mind.

Regardless of the setup of the book, it does true justice by recording very minute details of Maxwell's life. We see a boy of eight, asking endless questions. We see his playfulness in the natural surroundings of Glenlair where he grew up. We see an amazing father-son relationship - where the duo fuelled each other's curiosity. We see his talents surfacing, as he rediscovers Descartes' curves around the age of fourteen. His talents growing steadily as he passed through school and college. His letters which showed the diverse topics on which he liked to meditate.

Another point of interest was Maxwell's religiosity. He was a devout Christian. He enjoyed taking part in theological discussions and kept a religious outlook in friendship as well as marriage. It might seem very strange that a scientist of such calibre is also capable of keeping faith.

Time and again, the letters and the author also show that Maxwell was a very kind man. He used his library card to lend numerous books to his students(owing to the guilt that he was not a good lecturer). Even in the extreme pain of his last illness, he worried endlessly about his wife's welfare. Friends, colleagues and family members remember that Maxwell went out of his way to not hurt others.

Another deficit of the book seems the lack of methodical treatment of Maxwell's scientific achievements. Letters don't give a good idea because of obscure terminologies and the difference in understanding between the two people who were communicating. I hope someone would do the necessary research for scientific biography of Maxwell, as Maxwell did for Henry Cavendish in his later years.

Certainly as a mere beginner in science, I might not realise the full scope of Maxwell's work - from statistical mechanics to colour theory to electromagnetism. I might also like the book better, if I re-read it in the coming years.

I give three and a half stars out of five to the book. Highly recommended for those who like to understand the blossoming of scientific ideas along the arrow of time.